|
This site is dedicated to
bad jokes, funny jokes, general humor, tasteless bits of information and general
laugh provokers. Please EMAIL me with your jokes and I will publish them if I
fine them humorous.. I do
not publish totally offensive or completely off-color stuff. The daily jokes are
archived and can be viewed in the ARCHIVES file on the right. Cartoon links
also included on
the right. Updated Mike's Calvin and Hobbes GIF for 02/23/07. Peanuts link added 4/25/06
Office Policy from
Bob H. of Clearwater, Fl. 02/28/2007.
Wish I had thought of
this while in management. Some of you will recognize the background
music as "Blue Monday", which is most apt for work.
Dear Staff,
Dress Code:
It is advised that
you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you
wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag we assume that you
are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a
raise.
If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.
PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday and Sunday.
LUNCH BREAKS:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so
that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal
to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now
a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin
board under the "Chronic Offender" category.
SURGERY:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You
should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have
something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.
Visitors since 07/31/05
|
