This site is dedicated to bad jokes, funny jokes, general humor, tasteless bits of information and general laugh provokers. Please EMAIL me with your jokes and I will publish them. I do not publish totally offensive or completely off-color stuff. The daily jokes are archived and can be viewed in the ARCHIVES file on the right. Cartoon links also included on the right. 

So you thought that cops had no sense of humor--- The following were
taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

1. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
out after you wear them awhile."

2. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

3. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

4. "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

5. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "Yes, Sir, you can talk to
the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

6. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."

7. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

8. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

9. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

10. "Just how big were those two beers?"

11. "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

12. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

(And maybe the best one of all)

13. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?
You're right, we don't. Sign here.
.