I am now,
probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always
wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body ...
the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am
taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't
agonize over those things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving
family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've
become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become
my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or
for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I
didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to
overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear
friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great
freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if
I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 a.m., and sleep
until noon?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's, and
if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love... I will.
I will walk the
beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will
dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying
glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old. I know I am
sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well
forgotten ... and I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the
years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when
you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a
beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us
strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is
pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to
have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my
youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So
many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair
could turn silver. I can say "no", and mean it. I can say "yes", and
mean it.
As you get older,
it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people
think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right
to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I
like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but
while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could
have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert
every single day.
Author unknown!
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